This is getting out of hand. I feel a bit better for a while, then I get worse again, and it keeps happening over and over throughout the day. And now, even hanging out with Kelvin and playing games and working on his computer with him isn’t keeping my mind off of it. I kinda miss having total control over my emotions. I’ve had a couple times where I’ve gotten so frustrated with myself that I feel like the slightest thing could have me in tears or else make me snap at people.

I said something stupid to Robbie, so now I also feel like a pretty big dick about that, and I wouldn’t blame him for being mad at me. It was one of those things where as soon as I hit enter, I knew it was a bad thing to say. Though I do know exactly why that popped into my head, not that that helped anything, anyway.

I already know what to do to make myself feel just a little better, but I’m not sure if I want to. It might just cause more problems than it’s worth to feel better sooner. I think I will eventually either way, but who knows. This cycle is really starting to get to me each time it loops again, and I feel worse every time, too. This is what, the fourth time now? Maybe fifth? I don’t remember. Point is, I’m getting a little too familiar with it.

I’ll probably have to sleep on it, I guess. I’ll see if I can decide tomorrow.

散っていた、降っていた、でも今に落ち続ける。