Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I hate this so much fuck fuckitty fuck.

I HAVE TO STOP IT.

So I’ve been living at Dawn’s for the past week or so with Danny, and it’s been a whole bunch of good times. Whole bunch. We’ve Heroes III’d and Warcrafted and so on. Danny and I have been staying in Lee’s room, since there’s two beds, and then managed to time the mornings right so we could both shower and be ready JUST in time to go. It’s been nice having a sort of roomie. XD

But, today is the end. After school, we’re going to Dawn’s and I’m getting my stuff packed up, then going to work, and Dawn will drive Danny home later, and it’s back to normal. I’m gonna miss living with them, and I think my room is gonna feel kinda lonely because I’ve gotten used to having someone else there. Hurrrr.

In other news, I shaved and such at Dawn’s house yesterday. I FEEL SO NICE. =D Though I need to find a more permanent method for my chest. I’m debating waxing, but that might be more painful that it’s worth. We shall see.

Finally, I just found out the other day from Abby that Tamar Gogel died on the 15th. Apparently, she killed herself, which I NEVER would have expected. =[

Well, I got a new iPod, finally. And got some new music from Dawn last night to help fill it up a bit more. I am pleased.

Last night, Danny and Dawn came over and we watched House and sat on our computers and, really, did what we always do when we say we’re gonna do some homework together. Good times.

I’ve been thinking lately, that maybe I should actually go see Mitch. Not for the reasons he’s wanted to, of course, but maybe I can just make some sort of peace with it. I’m tired of getting pissed of whenever I’m reminded of him. I’d rather he was just some person, and that’s it. I know he won’t ever REALLY just be “some person”, all things considered, but the closer the better, methinks. We’ll see. Maybe I’m just sleep deprived and stupid.

“Hikari no naka de mita osanai kioku wa/ Oto no nai egao sae ima wa ureshikute/ Nido to modorenai ano koro ni mo/ Bokutachi wa waratteita.” (It’s playing right now, and that’s my favorite line. Shhh.)

I keep getting this weird dream lately that kinda continues on itself, but not. Nothing in particular happens, but I get the sense that it’s continuing from the last time, somehow. Which makes no sense, really. But there’s ALWAYS the sound of breaking glass resounding. And… stuff happens. I dunno what else to call it because I don’t know what it is because I never see it.

I still feel like it’s snowing.

So, ever since I got to work I’ve been contemplating my life and such. What if becoming a teacher doesn’t work out? Maybe I won’t be good at it. Or maybe I won’t be able to pass all my classes. Or maybe I won’t like it after all. What if I can’t find a job for some reason?

Maybe something will happen that will keep me from doing it at all. Maybe something will somehow come up and I won’t be able to do it. What if I’m unhappy? I mean, I now I won’t be thrilled all the time, but what if I’m ALWAYS unhappy? I don’t want to loathe my job somehow and regret my choice.

And then there’s some of the friends I have. I love all my close friends, like Dawn and Shay and Danny and Kel and Alex and Jason and so on, but the other, less close ones… I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t LIKE them, I do, but I don’t think I would be unhappy without them. Makes me feel calloused.

Bah, I’m lonely and unhappy now. Emo.

At least I have Danny to talk to for now.

Why the hell do I ALWAYS like people I can’t have. I is le stupid. =[

On a semi-related note, I keep going between being generally happy, and generally unhappy. I need to find a nice midground sometime soon, kthx.

Though I was finally rid of Mitch, and then last night, he and Brayden (I’m pretty sure now that’s how it’s spelled) called my cell, asking me to go to Gyro. Since it’s just a tad cold to go swimming, you can pretty much guess why. And he kept calling numerous times, including while I was at Dawn’s house with her and Danny, and I told him to fuck off. He called I think three times after that before I just shut off the phone for most of the night.

And of course, that ruined my night. I mean, I enjoyed being with Dawn and Danny, but I was still rather miserable for most of the time. And now I’m still sad/depressed/melancholy/whatever.

The whole reason it gets to me is that it was such a rapid change in him, and I kinda miss him. Not the way he is now, obviously, but how he used to be. I was really happy then, so now I end up getting all lonely and emo and hurrrrr. Stupid, I know, especially after it’s been about 3 years, but oh well.

I need a hug. D=

[9:50 PM]

Fuck.